When a colleague behaves questionably, what do you do?
With wisdom and experience, we can learn to slow down, be still within, and offer grace.
If it happens again, we can try to understand, reflect, and empathize.
“What must be true for them to act in this way?”
But when questionable behavior repeats again, we must make a choice.
“Will I step up, or do I accept that this will happen over and over?”
First, a conversation.
Speaking to others who have hurt or frustrated us (especially if they have power) is an essential personal and professional skill.
One isn’t born good at it; one must practice, for example by writing out what to say first.
I noticed _____.
(A factual observation about the situation).
I feel _____ about that, because I/we need _____.
(A basic feeling and an underlying human need.)
Would you be willing to _____?
(A request.)
Once you find the words, step up and have the conversation.
(If that feels too difficult, hit reply, and let’s talk about it.)
A thoughtful conversation is often all it takes to make things better.
But what if it doesn’t get better?
These situations do happen, and we may find that patience is the best course of action. After all, the behavior may resolve itself, or we may develop greater depths to our character.
Remember, however, that effective organizations do not tolerate inconsiderate, slippery, or bad-faith actions.
Do you know where those behaviors are generally tolerated, seen as necessary evils, sometimes even accepted by the most peace-loving?
When they are directed at a sworn enemy!
And therein lies the problem.
There is no room for sworn enemies inside an organization.
So, what must be done?
We believe there are three good paths forward:
Negotiate a mutual understanding,
remove one party, or
dissolve the organization.
That’s it.
Not included: Tolerating ongoing, self-inflicted damage that hemorrhages the organization’s most vital resources.
Truth first.
If you are in such a situation right now, you may feel dismay at the road ahead. We encourage you to prepare for the journey by cultivating truth in two senses:
First, do you know the truth?
Self-steadiness comes from overcoming forgetfulness, investigating, being sure of what really happened, believing your eyes and ears, believing yourself.
Second, do others know the truth with you?
To stabilize yourself and find support, triangulate truth with a witness.
“Did that happen? Ah, it did.”
You might even discover an opportunity for joint action.
“I guess that means we must _____.”
Whatever you must do, know that it will be easier with truth in hand.
Be brave, in whatever comes ahead.
Ben and David
StrategyTeaming.com